Month: September 2018

I am not leaving this community, even though my boy is gone.  You all have been such a pillar of support to me in this difficult time, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your kind comments to my last post, and for all the help beforehand.  Sometime soon I’ll tell you stories, etc. and I’ll read about your dogs & cats and get to more about all of your journeys.  

They say that the paralysis is caused, most probably, by the cancer, which has traveled to the spine.  So my sweet boy will meet his maker tomorrow.  I have always told Tank that the only person who loves him more than I do is Jesus, and that when it was time, I’d send him home.  I have taken the day off, everything at school is set, I am driving to Nashville with Squirt, and we’ll sit with him for a real long time, then when they euthanize him  I’ll be there with him (but maybe we can take Squirt out so she doesn’t have to see that) and then we’ll bring her back in to sit with me and the body.  Will they let me stay in there for a couple of hours beforehand and be with him, cuddle him, talk with him?  they say, “as much time as you want,” but do they mean it?  & afterwards?  that’s a question I have for you all.

Tank fell, probably Wednesday, and he slipped a disc on his spine.  He is now at the Nashville Vet Specialists, has been there since last night – he cannot use his back legs.  SO….., as an older dog, who’s just had surgery, with a Mom who’s running out of money (no, I’m not soliciting, but I will consult here about financing things, I know people have blogged about it), I doubt the Neurologist will recommend him for surgery.  My heart is ripped in two, I was an idiot letting him run, but it looked like that was easier for him than walking.  I only just today got his harness in the mail.  Even without the money barriers, which are huge, I don’t know whether it’s fair to ask this of him, but also, when pain free he’s still my wonderful boy with a love of life and will to live.  I have been getting some judgment from best friends (like family, so they can be dysfunctional with me…) – one said she never thought I should have done the amputation because I’m by myself and couldn’t handle it, another kept trying to be “Realistic.”  Don’t you hate it when other people are good at being realistic about your problems?  To be fair, he is good at knowing his own limitations, but even so… there’s a time to keep quiet.  Squirt and I stayed the night at a hotel in Nashville because we got to the clinic so late (that’s a story…), we  are back in Jackson.  We’ve had a very quiet day here.  I have a ton of work for school that I haven’t touched, well, actually I worked on a power point presentation of my family for my French 1’s, took me quite a bit of time to change it the way I wanted, but no grading has been done yet.  I got an estimate for including an MRI (to diagnose the location of the slipped disc, I think), and you know that estimate doesn’t include the surgery if they do approve him, + all rehabilitation needs.  This is why people just let their pets go.  It’s only the “right thing to do” because it’s too heavy a financial burden.  I’m in that space where you feel angry / ashamed / deeply sad because of what you can’t do.  I’m also {stupid / hopeful / f*** those people who tell me about limitations} enough to go to the bank & ask for $.   Please don’t judge, or rather, judge all you want, just don’t tell me about it here.

Hello everyone!  I am the doggie mom of two 11-year old pups, and it’s the bigger one who got cancer this summer, two lumps, soft-tissue sarcomas, on his left front leg.  We are one month out from his front leg amputation, and scheduled for chemo – or a check-up and then chemo if everything is ok – on September 11th.  Apparently the cancer is the aggressive kind, so even though the vets have found no trace of it, we need the chemo.  (There may be some there that our technology can’t detect.)  I’ve already gotten lots of helpful advice surfing this site, and have chatted with Jerry and Paula who reassured me that what I’m going through is normal.  My struggles are with:

eating (he’ll only eat what he wants: roast chicken, scrambled eggs, …),

peeing (he is drinking, thank heaven!, but peeing is a rarity),

pooping — really can’t do it anymore, so he just lies there & it comes out.  Today outside I helped him, got it all over both of us (it was runny because of his varied diet), had to give him a sponge bath because I’m not going to ask him to stand in the tub.

bathing (see above) – he’s really dirty since he falls down so much.

him allowing me to shove a pill down his throat every 12 hours — he used to let me do this.  Both of my dogs are too smart for the cheese ball thing, it just doesn’t work, so this has been my method.  Seems medieval, but they usually let me do it and that’s that.  These past few days, Tank’s jaw is clamped shut.  I’m never in danger, it’s just a struggle to get him to accept the pill.

& just plain walking.  He was able to for a bit, but now his back legs collapse a lot.  He has figured out how to hop, he is all right lying down (moving to a “down” position) as long as he’s on carpet or dirt.

I was going to make an appointment with a veterinary physical therapist & forgot – I’m a teacher, grades are due, I was observed on Friday (that’s a huge deal, your only chance to ensure you get a good bonus at the end of the year), and on top of everything Friday evening I caught the cold that’s going around and have been down for the count for three days, sleeping and barely tending to Tank’s needs.

SO, feeling overwhelmed.  He’s on rimadyl, 100mgs, I divide the pills & give them once every 12 hours with food.  They seem to help, and I think it’s going better now that I’ve divided them.  I’ve bought him a bark bed, which he’s not usually on, he prefers to stretch out on the carpet, but that’s okay, he has used it and I know he will in the future.  I also bought him boots and socks, put them on today and he refused to budge.  He lets me put them on but then won’t get up. I have a harness coming in the mail.  In the meantime he refuses the makeshift grocery bag harness I have used – hops away from it, slips out of it,… so there’s no way for me to help him pee.  Don’t know if I need feedback, unless you’ve been through some of this and have suggestions, mostly just need sympathy! I will make an appt with the therapist in Nashville so we get help where rehab is concerned.  Hopefully on the same day as our other appointment, since it’s a 2 hr trip to get there.  My doctors (oncologist & surgeon) are at the Nashville Vet Specialists clinic, they are all wonderful.